Tallahassee is a main character of Zombieland and an expert zombie killer.
Tallahassee seems to be a man in his early to mid forties. He favors the "cowboy" look, always wearing a "real deal brazil" hat to hide his bald head, and carrying a gun in a leg holster. He commonly wears jackets at night, either being leather or the snakeskin one stolen from Bill Murray's closet. Otherwise, he wears plain t-shirts and jeans, along with boots to go with his hat.
During his fight against the zombies that attacked Pacific Playland, Tallahassee donned a vest for holding his ammo and extra weapons. He discarded it after using the prize booth to shoot the remaining zombies at his leisure.
Tallahassee has an especial hatred for zombies and loves killing them in creative ways, becoming proficient in a plethora of weaponry to do so. This is not without good reason, because before Zombieland Tallahassee allegedly had a dog which he loved, until it was killed by zombies. Later, he revealed that the dog was actually his young son, Buck, and his death left Tallahassee a hardened and angry person. After spending time with Little Rock, Tallahassee found a replacement of sorts for Buck, as he saw her as a surrogate child to look after.
Tallahassee's philosophy is that you should blow off steam every once in a while or else you will go crazy, and first demonstrates this by beating up a minivan with a crowbar. He also has an extreme love for Twinkies, and is on a mad hunt for a Twinkie throughout Zombieland, regardless of the dangerous situations this tends to put him in. Beyond that, he is a fan of Bill Murray, to whom he cried out upon meeting him: "God damnit, BILL FUCKING MURRAY!"
Tallahassee is first seen in the movie when Columbus is walking down a highway. After an initially tense confrontation, they agree to travel together. However, despite Tallahassee's martial expertise, they run afoul of Wichita and Little Rock's trickery. They take Tallahassee's weaponry and Cadillac Escalade, leaving him stranded with Columbus until he discovered another vehicle.
It wasn't long until Tallahassee ran afoul of Wichita and Little Rock yet again, with Little Rock pulling a gun on him and keeping him in the back seat of his own car while Wichita drove. Tallahassee eventually disarmed Little Rock, but Columbus prevented a confrontation, and they all travelled together as a group.
Beginning to warm to Little Rock and Wichita after having fun destroying a Native American shop and arriving in Bill Murray's mansion. There, he met Murray himself, only for Columbus to accidentally kill him when he mistook Murray for a zombie. Depressed, Tallahassee later revealed his depression over the death of his son Buck, fueling his hatred of zombies.
After Wichita and Little Rock departed the mansion with their car and weapons, taking advantage of them for a third time, Tallahassee intended to go to Mexico. However, Columbus convinced him to help him save the two girls as they had begun to form an odd family of sorts. Tallahassee drew away the zombies assaulting them in Pacific Playland so that Columbus could save the pair, and after slaying them all, he nearly panicked when he thought the only Twinkies in the park had been destroyed by Columbus' buckshot. To his relief, Little Rock threw him a single Twinkie she had found, and he reconciled with them.
10 years after the events of Zombieland, Tallahassee is still with his makeshift family as they clear out the White House for their new home. However, it quickly becomes apparent that Tallahassee has taken the role of foster father too strenuously with Little Rock, who chafes under his smothering nature. Little Rock eventually leaves with Wichita, leaving Columbus devastated and aggravating to Tallahassee. He eventually went on about how he apparently had Blackfoot ancestry and that he needed to strike out on his own and hunt buffalo.
Columbus, however, didn't care, and briefly ran away from him only to discover Madison, another survivor. When Tallahassee caught up with Columbus, Madison mistook him for Columbus' dad, leading to Tallahassee becoming increasingly aggravated by her stupidity. Eventually Wichita returned and told Tallahassee that Little Rock had gone off with a pacifist named Berkeley, sending Tallahassee into a rage. He then set out with the others to get Little Rock back.
Tallahassee continued to stew in anger when he was forced to drive around a van throughout most of the trip, and took the first opportunity to detour to find a new vehicle. Unfortunately, it had an alarm and called several zombies to their location, forcing Tallahassee to fight off a horde of them with Wichita until a T-800 zombie arrived. Tallahassee double tapped this zombie repeatedly in the head, puzzled that it would not die, until eventually he ran out of bullets and was forced to crush its skull with his foot, finally killing it.
With no more zombies around, Tallahassee boarded the recreational vehicle he was after, but its tires burst before they'd gone more than a few yards. Tallahassee bitterly returned to the van, and after losing Madison to what seemed to be a zombie infection, arrived at an Elvis-themed motel. Tallahassee quickly fell in love with the place, jealous that Elvis' actual shoes fit Columbus but not him, until eventually he was accosted by Nevada. Tallahassee quickly took a liking to Nevada and eventually had sex with her.
The next day Tallahassee woke her in an Elvis costume, talking until Albuquerque and Flagstaff arrived and crushed Tallahassee's car with their monster truck. Angry again, Tallahassee stormed out to confront them, only to find that Albuquerque was remarkably similar to himself, which he disliked. They eventually argued over Nevada's "driveway", over having sex with her, until she threatened to deny them both if they didn't behave. Albuquerque then offered to kill the zombies that had followed them, and was subsequently bitten and had to be killed by Tallahassee.
Continuing on, they encountered Madison, who had survived and was merely having a reaction to nuts earlier. She rejoined the group much to Tallahassee's distaste, and when they finally reached Babylon where Little Rock was, Tallahassee destroyed the hated van with a grenade. He laughed at the pacifists of Babylon who insisted he melt down his weapons, but acceded for Little Rock's sake. He entered the compound, assured himself that Little Rock was safe, and then decided to depart. Madison was distraught, although she didn't even remember his name and couldn't pronounce it properly when it was told to her.
Eventually Tallahassee ran over a T-800, but it quickly moved on because it was interested in the massive fireworks being shot into the air at Babylon. Seeing a flood of T-800s closing in on the compound, Tallahassee quickly returned and warned them of the incoming zombies. Aggravated by the lack of guns, Tallahassee nonetheless came up with a plan to burn the zombies that arrived, exploding a fuel tank and wiping out a considerable portion of them.
Unfortunately, their numbers were too great and they were able to pass through the remaining fire. Tallahassee and his makeshift family were then surrounded by so many zombies that even Tallahassee feared it would be the end, but then a monster truck roared into sight and crunched its way over to them. Driven by Nevada, she had everyone pile in and then she laid waste to the zombies around them with the truck's massive tires. Eventually she crashed, so Tallahassee and everyone else fled into the Babylon tower, their path cleared by Babylon residents far above.
As they ascended the tower, Tallahassee slowed the zombies while the others made it to the rooftop and formed a funnel to channel the zombies off the roof to their deaths. Tallahassee then ran for the edge, leading the zombies to their doom, and jumped onto a hook as he leapt into open air. The zombies all fell to the earth, but the last two zombies managed to grab onto Tallahassee's foot. He nearly slipped, but Little Rock came and saved him with the gun he had given her for Christmas that year, having smuggled it into the compound.
After being brought back to safety, Tallahassee left Babylon with his family, Nevada included.
- "Gotta enjoy the little things."
- "Time to nut up or shut up."
- "I could use a Twinkie."
- "Snow Balls? SNOW BALLS? WHERE'S THE FUCKING TWINKIES!?
- "Come here big fella, just gonna take a little off the top."
- "My momma always told me someday I'd be good at something, who'd' a guessed that something would be zombie killing?"
- "Thank god for rednecks."
- "Do what you want with a man, but do not fuck with his Cadillac!"
- "I WANT MY CADDIE BACK! STUPID LITTLE BITCHES!"
- "DON'T KILL ME WITH MY OWN GUN!"
- "Alright guys, what do you think? Zombie kill of the week?"
- "You're thinking about fucking Wichita, hey wish granted, she's spent the last 24 hours fucking us both."
- "Look, you ever read that book, 'She's Just Not That Into You?'"
- "You can't make yourself too available."
- "I'm not great at farewells, so…that'll do, pig."
- "Hop in the car, Evel Knievel. Let's go ride the roller coaster."
- "Finally got to first base."
- "He was just… The day he was born, I just lost my mind."
- "I haven't cried like that since Titanic."
- "Where are ya, ya spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?!"
Zombieland: Double Tap
- "Hail to the motherfuckin' chief!"
- "I have nothing against pacifists. I just want to beat the shit out of them."
- "It takes a real man to drive a pink Cadillac, I might even make that rule my own. On second thought, fuck that. Rules for pussies, nothing personal."
- "This is gonna be a long ride."
- "Try and dodge me, motherfucker!"
- "One plus one, still two, right?"
- "WHAT. IN. THE. EVER-LOVING. FUCK?!"
- "A poem made by Tallahassee, 'Riding to Graceland with style, that puny minivan can kiss my ass!' Yeah! Let's go to Graceland, and let's go get Little Rock!"
- "Fucking minivan..."
- "NO! NO! NO!!! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! THIS IS NOT FUCKING HAPPENING! HEY MOTHERFUCKER, THAT'S MY RIDE!"
- "Keep your tits straight. Didn't expect that one, huh?"
- "Let's kick some dicks."
- "I'm not a pussy like Columbus, nothing personal!"
- "Well, seatbelts was made for a reason!"
- Tallahassee's actor, Woody Harrelson, did not actually eat any Twinkies during Zombieland, and instead was provided with a fake version made from cornmeal so that he would not violate his vegan diet.Tallassee was an engineer prior to the zombie outbreak.